Monday, March 10, 2014

Your Wedding, Your Way

You're ENGAGED?!  How exciting!!

Until everyone starts trying to plan your wedding for you...

I'm a bit of an anal control freak.  So when I got engaged, my fiance and mother both worried when my inner Bridezilla would kick in.  {to be honest, I was worried too} I like things organized, on time, affordable, and MY way.  But the crazy never happened.  I never had a major meltdown, never attacked a vendor, never threatened to "call the whole thing off".  I worked together with my fiance to get.things.done!  Save a few minor things, our stress levels were low, we didn't blow up at each other, and our planning process was not as horrible as everyone makes it out to be. 

Don't get me wrong, planning a wedding is STRESSFUL.  It doesn't matter if you will have ten guests or 400.  But... we made a concious decision to make sure wedding planning didn't take over our lives or our relationship.  If I can do that, trust me, so can you!

In my experience, the stress often comes from other people.  The aunt being mad because they are not a host.  The cousin mad because she isn't a bridesmaid.  The wedding party upset about the costs.  The family member upset because their child isn't a flower girl.  See where I'm going here?

You can save yourself a lot of stress by being clear about what YOU (and your future spouse) want.  This is YOUR WEDDING!  (Note: when I refer to "you", I mean you and your spouse)  Do not let others sway what you have decided that you want for your wedding.  You may upset some people in the process, but TRUST ME, in the end you will be much less stressed because you will be happy with the way things turned out.

(This is NOT permission to be a 'Zilla, it is permission to assert yourself and your decisions.)

Guess what Grandma?  I'm not getting married in a church.  Guess what cousin?  You are not invited because you are not a good person and I don't want you to ruin my day.  Guess what friend from high school?  We are keeping our guest list to people we have talked to in the last year.  AGAIN---do you see what I'm saying?

This is your wedding and it needs to be about you.  Family and friends involved in the process must know that you are the ones making decisions and their thoughts are appreciated but not always what you may want. 
I'm not saying don't delegate, and I'm not saying don't pick your battles.  I'm saying make sure you don't compromise your "dream wedding" because mother-in-law is throwing a fit about the thread count of the table linens {or what have you}.  Be Assertive.  Don't they teach you that in school?  You are the only one who can make sure that you get the things you want. 
Trust me, people will try to make you feel bad, pressure you about certain things, or just plain try to ruin your day.  That's where the choice to keep wedding planning as wedding planning and not life planning can really make or break you.  Stay strong to what you desire, ask for help when needed, and ENJOY the process of planning your day with your soon-to-be spouse!

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