Monday, February 23, 2015

Have You Checked In With Your Husband Lately?

After more than seven years of knowing each other, almost 7 dating, and over 2.5 years of marriage, we are pretty set in our ways.  Do we still have a lot to learn?  Certainly.  Do we have a healthy relationship?  I like to think so.  Am I absolutely thrilled to have found, lived with, and married my guy so early in life?  Definitely. 

All in all, I think we are pretty great, and I think most people can see that pretty quickly.  Is this sounding really snobby?  YEP!  Stick with me...

The reason I started that way is because this post is about arguments.  Fighting, as some would say.  But that is such a harsh word.  We could also settle on "disagreements".  The point is, everyone fights.  And it's pretty annoying when people say they don't.  Do we throw things?  No.  But does it drive me crazy when he leaves the light on in the closet and sometimes knows exactly which of my buttons to push?  Yepper.  And he can push my buttons.

I don't remember the exact trajectory of the situation I'm thinking of, but it revolved around me cleaning all the countertops the night before and there being a mess all over them the next day.  Frustrating, right?!  I should reveal right away that I am a clean freak, I like things in their places, and that I'm pretty sure I have some form of compulsion (mild-like OCD).  {I just hate saying that because I have a friend who actually has OCD and I think the term is overused in general lingo.}

In our house, the "chores" are pretty set:  He cooks, I clean, I do laundry, he does all the handyman stuff, and we share things like garbage and cleaning the litter box (yes, our rabbit is litter box trained). 

SO ANYWAY...I had cleaned, there was a mess, and I was frustrated that my hard work didn't last very long and that it always gets messed up.  And then I did the good ol' snowball of why can't the toothpaste go in the toothpaste holder, and why can't the socks go in the hamper, and onward. 

Seems like a silly reason for an "argument", right?  TOTALLY.  But it pulled us back to reality and forced us to check in with each other. 

Mike explained that it's hard to keep up with the way I like things to be.  That he tries to get things in their places and be conscious of it, but that he can't always get it right.  And then I realized that we don't share a brain.  So in his mind, it's not an atrocity that the pizza cutter is in the wrong drawer. Or that the cereal box didn't make it back to the pantry.  Whereas for me, it's like "use it, put it away, easy as pie".  But it's not like that for everyone, because some {normal} people are okay with a little leeway. 

And I needed to be reminded of that.  All I could see during that situation was what made me unhappy and what was inconvenient for me.  But it never crossed my mind that my whole manner is a little inconvenient for a guy that's okay with a few crumbs on the counter after he finishes cooking a fabulous meal.  And who am I do complain about dirty countertops after devouring a restaurant-grade meal in my own home?

I.AM.LUCKY.  Massively lucky.  Eh-hem...

And our little tiff reminded me of that.  It doesn't take a disagreement to get this conversation going. Take a half hour this week to really talk with your significant other on where you and your relationship stand.  Get those miniscule things out in the open so they don't keep eating you up. 

Make a deal, make a pact on what to work on.  I vowed to not be so spastic about the countertops and be much more grateful for the meals I am able to enjoy each night.  Speak up that you despise being the one to take the dog out at 6 every single morning.  Let the other person know it's hurtful when they do something that bothers you.  CHECK IN with each other.  You need to know where the other is standing, even when it might come to which hole your toothbrush goes in. 

I love being in a young, committed relationship.  You may think that I am completely oblivious to the life ahead of me, but I'm telling you, if we can be on the right page now, I'm ready for what's to come.  And I'm so grateful to have my amazing partner by my side through it all!


  1. Young? Maybe, but with a good head on your shoulders and a desire to make your relationship work. I agree that communication is key! You are a great example to other couples, thanks for sharing your life and advice with us!

    1. Thanks Cher! Sometimes you have to put it out there and vent somewhere else ;)