Tuesday, July 16, 2013

The D Word {You Never Say} - Divorce

I heard someone a while back say that you should never use the "D" word in your relationship.  Ever.  I agree.  It is not something you should ever use as a threat or picture it as an option.

I do believe that some people get married without knowing 100% whether or not they should be doing it.  In that case, the answer is probably not.  Do they think of divorce as an option?  Do they think, "oh well...if it doesn't work out, we can get divorced"?  On the contrary, I know many people get married knowing full well that divorce is not an option for them, and they end up divorced.  How does that happen?

My coworker:  in her 30s, divorced with a son, remarried with two daughters.  Definitely not the idea she had when she entered into her first marriage.  She did not expect to get a divorce.  How does a marriage fall apart to the point of no repair?  How does it get to that point?

Trust me, I am no where near a divorce, and this is not where this post came from.  It came from a few casual conversations about relationships with coworkers and girlfriends about how people end up divorced.  HOW DOES IT HAPPEN?  People get married, have kids, fulfill dreams...and get divorced.

Is it just a fact of life for some people?  Of course, there are the obvious situations:  not ready to get married, unhealthy relationship, feeling like they missed out on something or someone.  But I'm referring to the people who were madly in love, had the time of their lives, built a family, and then lost it all.  Where is the disconnect?  What happens to a couple to make them give up on it all?

I feel supremely lucky that my parents (and Mike's, for that matter) are married over 33 years, and going strong.  Yes, my parents had hard times.  My dad was very candid about a situation many years ago (I believe all three of us kids were born), where my parents had a rough patch.  A really rough patch.  It was hard for me to hear him talk about it at the time (this was probably about 2 years ago). Looking back...maybe it was my dad's way of sharing wisdom on how to have a good relationship?

{I've been thinking about writing this blog for a while, and that tidbit just came to my mind.  
Good job, Dad.}

I think the moral of my story is to love your marriage.  Work for and with your spouse. Make memories every moment you can.  Love every bit of your spouse.  Never give up on making time for one another.  Leave love notes.  Kiss in public.  Talk about the good and the bad.  Spend all day in bed cuddling.  Be spontaneous.  Work it out.  Bake their favorite dessert.  Be WITH them.

All in all, at the end of the day, remember that marriage is precious.  Although it sometimes gets pulled through the mud by horror stories, celebrities, and just plain bad people...marriage is special. Remember that those negative aspects generally come from "the D word" and not from marriage itself.

Don't enter into a marriage that you are not 100% ready for.  Contrary to popular belief, it is NOT something you can take back.  Marriage is a fantastic commitment, and one that will last forever if you have the right tools, the right attitude, and the right partner!

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