I've been feeling a bit bold lately. Sometimes I need to learn to keep my mouth shut. But sometimes I think my big mouth can help someone, so here I go again. A small lesson on an issue that's been bothering me lately.
Young girls dating older men. I mean, YOUNG GIRLS. I read articles online and see stories on the news of girls running away with older men that they're in love with. People who say they can give them a better life, and get them away from their parents. Sometimes promising alcohol, drugs, parties, etc. All very enticing to a young teenage girl or even a girl in their early twenties... Particularly if the man is attractive and/or has money to spoil them with.
I've recently been exposed to the issue of sex trafficking in Minnesota. After a luncheon and a bit of reading, I was astounded at the issues right here in Minnesota. Luckily, it is a hot-button issue for our local politicians and changes are being made.
Please check out:
Breaking Free - A local non-profit making changes in the lives of survivors and people currently being trafficked.
Saving Bobbi - A short (written) series that shows in depth how sex trafficking can being and continue.
Longest Ever Sentence - And a recent local sentencing, making history using the new laws in Minnesota.
Anarae Schunk - The awful story of a young girl "falling in love" and getting mixed up with the wrong guy, and ending up murdered.
Although not every situation ends up with sex trafficking or prostitution, the fact is, it's just not right. There is no reason for someone under the age of twenty to be dating someone more than a few years older than themselves. Only one end of that sort of relationship is seeing a benefit!
I know, and I learned my lesson. When I was 16, I dated a guy who was 22 years old. I thought he was great and we partied and had a grand ol' time. At the age of 16, what more could I have wanted than an older guy to spoil me, party with me, and show off to? But my friends hated him. They knew he was not a good guy, and told me so. I should have listened, but I was happy to have an "older guy" and didn't really care what I got myself into.
Looking back, I say, "what the hell was I thinking?!" Thankfully, my situation did not end horribly, but I did do things I shouldn't have, things I regret, and certainly missed about on a fantastic summer of being 16 years old with my friends.
If you are a younger reader; learn from my experience. When you're young, an older guy doesn't want to date you for the reasons you think they do. Enjoy your time being YOUNG! Do not be wooed by money, drugs/alcohol, or time away from your parents. The truth is, you need your parents and your friends at that time in your life, and some "older guy" only has one person's best interest on their mind, and it's not yours.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Do You Like Your Marriage?
There's something about marriage that bothers me.
It seems to be the public norm to bash marriage. Encourage gender roles. Commiserate misery.
I'M SICK OF IT!
Let me explain...
Think of the expression "old married couple". As if everything becomes boring and goes to crap after you get married. Think of "Happy wife, happy life". As if everything in a marriage is about keeping the wife happy, and that it's the husband's job. Think of the "old lady being at home tonight". As if all women are domestic.
The old "haven't gotten any since the wedding day". Or "gave her a ring and then (so-and-so) happened".
I'm sorry people, but if these are your issues, then you probably should have talked a little more before deciding to marry each other. I hate when people make marriage seem like a miserable, never-ending, entrapment. Why is it the societal norm to complain about your marriage/spouse in public? To make it seem like an impossible thing to be married and HAPPY?
This rant is prompted by many instances, but most recently, our new car purchase. While passing time with our salesperson (who was fantastic, and his daughter attends Concordia College, Go COBBS!) he kept making statements about "who's in charge of the budget" (insinuating me), "who makes the decisions", and "keeping the wife happy". Now, I get that he may have been playing the "flatter the wife" card, but this stuff happens ALL THE TIME! To everyone, not just us.
While we were engaged, sometimes I would confide in my now-husband about feeling a little down, and out of place. People I talked to about wedding planning, being engaged, etc., would respond with, "I can't imagine myself getting married at this age", "I'm so not ready to get married", and the constant "I can't believe you're getting married!" (not as a compliment). My amazing guy's response? "If they were in your shoes, they would have a completely different perspective". Yeah...you can't imagine yourself getting married, because you haven't found the right person/aren't ready for the commitment/whatever your reason. You're not in the place that I am. So...note to readers - a simple "Congratulations!" will do. Comparisons aren't necessary.
What's my point? Let's turn around this negative view of marriage and brag about how our husbands do the laundry, give us back rubs, and tell us how much they love us. I always have my husband on my side, no matter what. How is that not AWESOME!?
Marriage isn't a trap, it's a union (whether you're religious or not). Yeah, there's disagreements, but make your marriage full of love, and you'll make it through. Choose someone you want to spend every moment with, make every memory with, and spend your LIFE with!
It seems to be the public norm to bash marriage. Encourage gender roles. Commiserate misery.
I'M SICK OF IT!
Let me explain...
Think of the expression "old married couple". As if everything becomes boring and goes to crap after you get married. Think of "Happy wife, happy life". As if everything in a marriage is about keeping the wife happy, and that it's the husband's job. Think of the "old lady being at home tonight". As if all women are domestic.
The old "haven't gotten any since the wedding day". Or "gave her a ring and then (so-and-so) happened".
I'm sorry people, but if these are your issues, then you probably should have talked a little more before deciding to marry each other. I hate when people make marriage seem like a miserable, never-ending, entrapment. Why is it the societal norm to complain about your marriage/spouse in public? To make it seem like an impossible thing to be married and HAPPY?
While we were engaged, sometimes I would confide in my now-husband about feeling a little down, and out of place. People I talked to about wedding planning, being engaged, etc., would respond with, "I can't imagine myself getting married at this age", "I'm so not ready to get married", and the constant "I can't believe you're getting married!" (not as a compliment). My amazing guy's response? "If they were in your shoes, they would have a completely different perspective". Yeah...you can't imagine yourself getting married, because you haven't found the right person/aren't ready for the commitment/whatever your reason. You're not in the place that I am. So...note to readers - a simple "Congratulations!" will do. Comparisons aren't necessary.
What's my point? Let's turn around this negative view of marriage and brag about how our husbands do the laundry, give us back rubs, and tell us how much they love us. I always have my husband on my side, no matter what. How is that not AWESOME!?
Marriage isn't a trap, it's a union (whether you're religious or not). Yeah, there's disagreements, but make your marriage full of love, and you'll make it through. Choose someone you want to spend every moment with, make every memory with, and spend your LIFE with!
I, for one, think marriage is amazing.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Reflections on a Failed "Five Year Plan"
A good friend of mine turned 25 in October. While celebrating with some wine, music, puzzles (don't ask), and chatting, another friend asked "Now that you're 25, what's your advice for us?". {So when we get there, we'll know what to do with your wisdom.}
Right around that time, my mom ran into my ex at a store, almost literally. They each came around a corner and practically ran into each other. She said they were each startled, mutter a "hello", and walked on.
To bring these stories together: I had a "Five-Year Plan" with that man. It was shattered to pieces when I went off to college and met my now-husband. And I'm SO THANKFUL for that, because my life would be MUCH different had I stayed on track with my previous plan.
After meeting my husband, I literally said - "You're not in my five year plan." Luckily, I had the balls to make the choices that have brought me to my happily married life with the best man out there.
On a few occasions lately, my ex has come up in conversations with different friends (they know him and his family). He is 23, married, with a daughter, and another on the way. The weird thing about all of this? It was our five plan, and he's living it with someone else. He kept the plan going and filled in as needed.
Now, don't read into that the wrong way. I am so.freaking.glad that I am not in that position! I made myself go away to college on my own, forcing myself to live a life for me. I wanted to make sure I didn't stay close to home and compromise my future "for a guy".
Eventually, after many discussions with friends and role models, I made the decision to do what was best for me, and end that relationship. And now I will NEVER EVER make a five year plan ever again!
A few friends have asked me "isn't that weird to think that would have been you?" Yeah, it is! I wanted to graduate, get married, and get pregnant all in the same year. Thinking about that now gives me the gags!
Wow, how my journey has changed {thankfully}. I want to enjoy being young, travel, and make memories with my friends and husband before giving in to the responsibility of parenting.
Over five years later, my life is not even close to what I thought it would be at the age of 18. Thank goodness I'm a stubborn, honest, adventure driven person. Sometimes it's good to be selfish and make yourself and your happiness your main priority. Don't get caught up in others' life plans and journeys.
Live your life honestly, with you at the center, and you can end up educated, in love, and happily on the road to a lovely life with the man of your dreams!
So what's the moral of this story?
*You may or may not know what's best for you when you're 18 years old.
*{Unless you're married}, don't make your life decisions based on other people.
*Don't plan so much - live life and take what comes your way!
*Life your life for you.
*A lot can happen before you're 25.
*DON'T MAKE A FIVE YEAR PLAN, EVER!
(Note: No harm or bad feelings are meant toward the mentioned ex. This is simply two stories raveling into a greater realization and lesson.)
Her response: Don't plan too far ahead, because you never know what opportunities are coming, or what curve balls life will throw at you.
Right around that time, my mom ran into my ex at a store, almost literally. They each came around a corner and practically ran into each other. She said they were each startled, mutter a "hello", and walked on.
To bring these stories together: I had a "Five-Year Plan" with that man. It was shattered to pieces when I went off to college and met my now-husband. And I'm SO THANKFUL for that, because my life would be MUCH different had I stayed on track with my previous plan.
After meeting my husband, I literally said - "You're not in my five year plan." Luckily, I had the balls to make the choices that have brought me to my happily married life with the best man out there.
On a few occasions lately, my ex has come up in conversations with different friends (they know him and his family). He is 23, married, with a daughter, and another on the way. The weird thing about all of this? It was our five plan, and he's living it with someone else. He kept the plan going and filled in as needed.
Now, don't read into that the wrong way. I am so.freaking.glad that I am not in that position! I made myself go away to college on my own, forcing myself to live a life for me. I wanted to make sure I didn't stay close to home and compromise my future "for a guy".
Eventually, after many discussions with friends and role models, I made the decision to do what was best for me, and end that relationship. And now I will NEVER EVER make a five year plan ever again!
A few friends have asked me "isn't that weird to think that would have been you?" Yeah, it is! I wanted to graduate, get married, and get pregnant all in the same year. Thinking about that now gives me the gags!
Wow, how my journey has changed {thankfully}. I want to enjoy being young, travel, and make memories with my friends and husband before giving in to the responsibility of parenting.
Over five years later, my life is not even close to what I thought it would be at the age of 18. Thank goodness I'm a stubborn, honest, adventure driven person. Sometimes it's good to be selfish and make yourself and your happiness your main priority. Don't get caught up in others' life plans and journeys.
Live your life honestly, with you at the center, and you can end up educated, in love, and happily on the road to a lovely life with the man of your dreams!
So what's the moral of this story?
*You may or may not know what's best for you when you're 18 years old.
*{Unless you're married}, don't make your life decisions based on other people.
*Don't plan so much - live life and take what comes your way!
*Life your life for you.
*A lot can happen before you're 25.
*DON'T MAKE A FIVE YEAR PLAN, EVER!
(Note: No harm or bad feelings are meant toward the mentioned ex. This is simply two stories raveling into a greater realization and lesson.)
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